A tRuE mIrAcLe
by mahoneyb8
Summary: Humanstuck. Gamzee isn't the average kid, and his friends aren't average either. Can you handle their lives? PB&J, some Gam/Vriska, John/Vriska, Kar/Terezi, Dave/Terezi, EriKar and possibly others. Rated for language and possible smut.
1. No MeAnS nO

_TC: I AlReAdY ToLd yOu mOtHeR FuCkInG No. I DoN'T ThInK I'M Up tO MaKiNg tHiS ShIt aNy mOrE MoThEr fUcKiNg cLeAr, So sToP BeInG A FuCkInG BiTcH, aNd gO Be wItH SoMeOnE WhO Is aLl uP AnD InTo wHeRe yOuR MoThEr fUcKiNg hEaRt iS, bEcAuSe tHaT AiN'T MoThEr fUcKiNg mE. bYe._

_TC: :o(_

_terminallyCapriocious [TC] has blocked arachnidsGrip [AG]_

You can't log out of your account fast enough. You shut your laptop, and shove it away on your messy desk. Your head hurts now, as you stare at the black laptop covered in scratches from where you were anything but gentle. You had probably gone through several of these things in the last few years, but you don't care. You could just get some money wired secretly from your grandfather and get a new one. Mother fucking easy enough.

You hear your phone buzz on the bed behind you, and you look to it. _Mother fucking have to block her number to, shiiit bro. You _get up, frowning and walk over, but the frown quickly fades to a smile.

_From: Tav_

_uHH HEY GAMZEE, hOW ARE YOU,,,_

You can't help but smile even more. What time is it? It's late, you know that much, so Tav probably wants you to talk him to sleep. You love to do that, makes you feel like a mother fucking sleep making miracle, or some shit like that. What the fuck were you thinking about again? Oh yeah, Tavros. You reply:

_To: Tav_

_HeY MoThEr fUcKeR! i'm gOiNg oKaY I GuEsS, tHoUgH ThIs bItCh aLl uP AnD PiErCeD My cHiLl zOnE LiKe a nInJa oR SoMeThInG AnOtHeR._

_From: Tav_

_oHH, uHH, cAN I ASK WHO IT IS,,,,_

_To: Tav_

_SuRe tAv, It wAs vRiSkA... :o( tHe bItCh jUsT, uGh, AiN'T GoT AnY SeNsE WhEn tO LeAvE A MoThEr fUcKeR AlOnE. i jUsT DoN'T LoVe hEr aNyMoRe, AnD ShE AiN'T Up tO MoThEr fUcKeR GeTtInG HeR ReAlIzAtIoN On aBoUt tHaT MoThEr fUcKiNg fAcT. i aLrEaDy gOt mOtHeR FuCkInG FeElInGs fOr sOmE OtHeR MoThEr fUcKeR._

_From: Tav_

_uH,,, yEAH,,, i UMM,,,, dONT KNOW IF A SMILE WOULD BE, uH, aPPROPRIATE CONSIDERING THE, uM, cIRCUMSTANCES,,,_

_To: Tav_

_a MoThEr FuCkInG sMiLe WoUlD bE gReAt :o)_

_From: Tav_

_oH, wELL, tHEN :)_

_To: Tav_

_ThAnKs a mOtHeR FuCkInG ToN TaV. i lOvE YoU 3 hOnK :o)_

_From: Tav_

_oHH, i UH, lOVE YOU TO GAMZEE,, 3_

_To: Tav_

_GrEaT MoThEr fUcKeR, nOw wHy yOu aLl uP AnD MeSsAgInG Me sO MoThEr fUcKiNg lAtE? tHe sLeEp zOnE DoNe uP AnD RaN AwAy fRoM YoUr cUtE LiTtLe mOtHeR FuCkInG SeLf?_

_From: Tav_

_uH YEAH,,, i FINISHED RPING WITH NEPETA, tHEN WELL, mOM TOLD ME TO LAY DOWN, bUT I CANT REALLY SLEEP TOO WELL, aND WELL, YOURE UH, uSUALLY UP AT THIS TIME... sO I MESSAGED YOU, hOPING YOU WOULD REPLY AND WELL, uH, TALK TO ME UNTIL I FALL ASLEEP..._

You smile lazily at the phone. You knew it, Tavros always messaged you this late when he couldn't sleep, and he was just so cute when he tried to explain things. The way he stuttered when he talked and you could picture him, thumbling with the buttons on his phone as he thought of the right words. This image quickly got taken over by faygo and miracles, and you finally shook your head to clear it. You had just wasted ten minutes pondering in pointless, miraculous thought. You looked to your phone and type quickly.

_To: Tav_

_WoAh mOtHeR FuCkEr, SoRrY! i dRiFtEd tHe fUcK OfF InTo tHoUgHt! JuSt gOt tO ImAgInInG YoUr cUtE LiTtLe fAcE AnD I'M AlL Up aNd fLuStErEd nOw, HeH :o)_

You waited about 20 minutes or so, but there was no reply. Tavros has probably fallen asleep. You smile at the thought of that cute mother fucker, curled up in bed with that tiny dog, Tinkerbell, or whatever Tav named him. Pretty sure he named her after that fairy thing from...Purple Pan? Potter? Wait fuck, no that's the wizard... Uh...Peter? Yeah, you're pretty sure that's it. Like the peanut butter. You love peanut butter, and all it's miraculous brown gooey goodness. You can feel your stomach rumble, and you stop, getting up. You're mother fucking hungry, so you might as well up and all get your eat on.

You exit the door, having to duck some on your way out. You're awful tall. You get that from your father's side of the family. You were all tall and lanky. You were easily 6 and half foot, maybe more. You never bothered checking your height, but you knew your father was taller, and your grandfather would be if he wasn't hunched over like he was. Your grandfather was one of the coolest mother fuckers you've ever met. He's just so chill and knows what he's up into and all about, like a mother fucker should. He's all into clowns and horns and the internet and just chilling, sitting back, slamming a Faygo and being who you're all up and wanting to be. He's your idol, and you can't picture anyone you'd rather be more like.

Now your father on the other hand... Talk about a mother fucker whose got his panties all up in a mother fucking bunch. He's such a business man, so serious. You don't even know where the fuck he works, he's a CEO or some shit. He was supposed to take over the family business with grandpa goes, but he won't do it. You don't see why, clown colleges, and hotels, endless, really big hotels. The _Makaray_ was like the mother fucking _Hilton._ Why the mother fuck did he not want it? You would take this shit in a heart beat when you're old enough. The money to do whatever the fuck you want, and give Tav whatever the fuck he wanted to make him all up and happy and take him places and shit. You could buy his mom stuff to.

You love Tavros' mom. Mr. Nitram, which you preferred to call, "Momma" was like the mother you've never had. Since yours died when you were only 5 years old, you raised yourself mostly on your own. You loved going to Tav's house and just walking in, and having someone call you "Gam" or "Sweetie" and asking if you were hungry or cold or needed your clothes cleaned or wanted a shower, or just anything a mom would really care about. While you and Tav would chill in his room, throwing sick fires or talking about findul...spawn? You think that's it, you never were good at the game, and you sometimes ended up just making the cards into paper airplanes, which normally upset Tavros, so he really didn't play it much with you anymore, but back to topic, she'd just come in and totally all up and bring you and Tav snacks and drinks and smile and just be all mommy-like. You wish you had a mother, someone who would look out for you like that.

You are now in the kitchen, ducked in the fridge, looking over the flavors of Faygo. You hear the something drop on the counter behind you, and you jump, hitting your head on the top of the fridge.

"MOTHER FUCK!" You yelp, rubbing your head.

"Watch your language." Your father's stern voice sounds in your ringing ears.

"Yo sorry dad." You mutter, leaning down and grabbing a grape Faygo, standing and cracking it open, and long drink.

"Don't chug it down. That stuff is nothing but sugar, and it's late. Don't you have school tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow's Sunday dad."

"Oh... Well... You shouldn't stay up so late..."

"Why not? I'm just all up and chilling and stuff, ain't no mother fu- freaking problem dad."

Your dad looked at you a long moment and sighed. "Boy, I will wash your mouth out with soap. Now go take off that make up and put some clothes on. You can lounge about naked if you want, when I'm _not _ here, but I'm here, so put some pants on."

"But dad, pants don't like this mother... Yeah, like, they'll all up and like, "Let's make him feel trapped." and shi- stuff." You hated having to watch your language. It just wasn't natural for you, and you were all used to doing what all up and felt natural and what your heart told you to, and if your heart wanted you to say mother fucker, then mother fucker you would say.

"Ugh, nevermind Gamzee. Just go to bed."

"But I'm hungry."

"That's not my fault. Go to sleep."

"Not chill dad, not chill at mother fucking all." You sigh and screw the cap on the Faygo, putting it back in the fridge for later.

"I told you to watch your language young man."

"What the mother fuck ever." You walk out, now in a sour mood. Thanks a ton dad.


	2. BuT iT's InStAnT?

The next morning was normal you guess. Normal for you anyway. You got up, and walked out into the kitchen, like any morning. You grabbed the Faygo from the night before, and pour yourself a bowl of cereal. You sat down, and ate, while your father would walk into the kitchen, clad in a suit, like any other day. He grabbed a bottle of water, and a bagel from the fridge, sighing and taking a bite before he was out the door, with a quiet, "Goodbye."

You let your thoughts drift through your head, and suddenly you wonder what Karkat is up to. Karkat has been your friend since kindergarten, when Equius stole his blue crayon, and you had to get it back for him. That story always made you smile. Karkat was always small, very small. He hasn't really ever grown much. For all you knew, he looked about 5 foot, maybe a few inches taller. You often teased his height playfully, and he often overreacted. If was part of his nature, if there was anything Karkat was fucking miraculous at, it was ranting like there was no tomorrow. You didn't mind though, even if you had no clue what he was saying half the time, it was all chill. If he was all motherfucking up into what he wanted to rant about, then he could rant away.

You are now in your room, you don't remember coming here, or lighting up this joint, but who gives a fuck. You suddenly want something sweet, something you can dip your hands into and get them sticky while you shove handfuls into your mouth. Wow that was a mother fucking weird thought, but once again, no one gives a fuck. You go into the kitchen, the length of the joint hanging from your mouth. You begin searching around, and after some searching, you find a pie tin. You debate and debate, looking for things to put in the pie, and the only thing you can find is chocolate pudding, but you don't care. You take the tin, unwrapping it and pouring the pudding mix in and you stop.

"...The fuck? This isn't pudding." You stare at the powder, wondering where the pudding was. You then proceed to open all of the boxes of pudding mix and they're all powder. "What. The. Fuck. This mother fucking shit says 'instant' so like, shouldn't it mother fucking turn to pudding like, when you open it?

You go into your room, and grab your phone, opening it and scrolling through contacts. You scroll until you find someone you think could help you, and you hit "Talk."

"Hello Gam." The British accent filled the speaker.

"Yo mother fucker. I need your help with some weird shit." You walk back to the kitchen, phone to your ear.

"Oh cod, should I be scared Gam? Last time I helped you w-with 'w-weird shit', you w-were at my door telling me your pants could talk to you."

"No no bro, this shit is legit. I'm trying to make pudding pie."

"Ohhh ok Gam. Easy enough I guess. How-w do you need fuckin' help?"

"Well, the shit says instant, so I mother fucking opened it, and poured the shit into the pie crust shit, and it was like, mother fucking powder. It ain't pudding. I mean, I'm all up with being whatever you mother fucking want to be and shit, but I'd much prefer if my pudding was like, "Yo bro, just gonna be powder now," instead of staying in a pudding box and not telling this mother fucker."

The silence on the other end of the phone seemed to drag on, then you decided to make sure Eridan was still alive. "Yo mother fucker, you still there?"

"Gam... Are you smokin'?"

"Oh yeah mother fucker."

"Gam, you hawe to MAKE the puddin'."

"...But it's instant."

"That means you don't hawe to COOK it. You still hawe to add stuff to it."

"Oh. Like what?"

"W-well, milk. And...I think that's it... Maybe heat the milk up some? I don't know Gam, read the fuckin' box."

You look to the box. "But... They mother fucking lie bro. They told me they were filled with pudding, and then they sat back and laughed at me while I mother fucking wondered why the fuck powder was coming out like a stampede."

"Gam... Just heat some milk in the microw-wawe and add it to the fuckin' powder."

"Fine mother fucker." You go to the fridge, take the milk carton out, and walk over, popping the whole thing in the microwave and setting the time. You wait, then it beeps and you take it out and walk over, pouring the whole thing in the tin, making a mess. "Ok mother fucker, what now?"

"Stir?"

"Got it mother fucker." You begin to stir, but end up breaking the pie crust apart inside the tin, but the powder begins to get thicker, and it eventually becomes a very watered down pudding mix, with pie pieces.

"...Holy mother fucker I made a miracle."

"Uh, that's nice Gam... Now-w I hawe to go... Sissy's home."

"Oh sorry mother fucker. Tell her I said hi." You hang up and set the phone down, digging in. You've met Eridan's "sissy" plenty of times before. Their relationship is very interesting honestly. They're not even brother and sister, so you don't mother fucking get it. You're pretty sure they're just cousins, and Sissy just took him in after Eridan's parents were in that plane crash on their way to the Bahamas or some shit. It was their anniversary or something. Eridan wasn't quite old enough to live on his own, so Sissy took him in. You don't even know if Sissy has a real name, but who gives a fuck? You still have your miracle.

The pie doesn't last long at your clutches, as you gobble it down like a British street Orphan at an all you can eat buffet. For some reason, the idea of Karkat thinking that was a shitty metaphor popped in your head. You decide to ask him later, if you remember. Remembering things was a miracle for you.

You finish eating, your hands a mess and you look around, now perched on a bar stool at your counter, only in your boxers. Your phone starts ringing the familiar little Pupa Pan ring tone Tavros set for himself, and you can't help but smile. You look to your phone, going to answer it, then stop. You can't touch your phone with your chocolate-y mess hands, you might break it. You stare at it ringing, debating, then, you lean in, trying to answer the touch screen with your tongue. It works, woah, mother fucking miracles.

"Yo mother fucker. I just answered this bitch with my mother fucking tongue."

"..Uh...Wow?" His high pitched voice rings throughout the room and you smile. You love his voice, it just made him all the more cuter.

"Yeah mother fucker. I'm covered, in fucking chocolate. Eridan helped me make mother fucking pie over the phone.

**Be ****Tavros ****Nitram**

So your boyfriend just answered the phone for you, with his tongue. No matter how weird this is, you find it strangely arousing. Uh, wait what?

Anyway, this is not strange for Gamzee to answer the phone while doing weird things. Some possible examples run through your mind.

"_Yo __mother __fucker__, __I __think __the __sk y__fell __dow n__o n__me__... __Oh __wait __that__'__s __the __map __dad __put __on __the __ceiling__, __never __mother __fucking __mind__."_

"_Woooooah __mother __fucker__, __my __pants__, __they__'__re __talking __to __me__. __Eridan __won__'__t __mother __fucking __believe __me__. __Think __Karkat __will__?"_

"_Woah __mother __fucker__, __I __think __there__'__s __a __mouse __in __the __house__. __There __it __is__!" __This __was __proceeded __by __a __lot __of __loud __crashing __noises __and __yelling__. __You __don__'__t __think __Gamzee __ever __caught __that __mouse__._

There were plenty others, but now you were drifting into thought, and Gamzee was talking to you. You need to come back to Earth, put the fairies and puppy dogs aside for a few minutes.

"...and then he told me to go to bed, and he seemed pissed. He just mother fucking seems so moody with me any fucking more. I swear bro, I'm about to snap at him one of these mother fucking days, and he ain't gonna mother fucking like it."

You guess he is talking about his dad, but you aren't quite sure. "Well uh... What exactly was said last night?"

"Well, I was trying to find something to mother fucking eat, and he came in and yelled at me for walking around in my fucking underwear..."

You nod, but the mental image of Gamzee in his underwear causes you to blush, and you stutter a bit. "Y-yeah, and uhh, then what?"

"Well I started arguing with him, and he kept telling me to watch my mother fucking language, so I did for a fucking while, but then I slipped up, and he yelled at me, and were started arguing and he just told me to go to fucking bed."

You nod, then pause. After a moment you realize that Gamzee can't tell you nodded through the phone. "O-oh!"

"What is it mother fucker?"

"...Oh I uh... Nodded... Then...Well... You uh... Can't hear a nod... So uh... I feel, rather... Stupid..."

You hear Gamzee chuckle. "You ain't mother fucking stupid bro. I mean, I've fucking done worse. Fuck, I've talked to my phone, for like an hour, after Eridan hung up, I just thought he was being mother fucking quiet, but he really just got tired of fucking talking to me."

You nod, and debate whether you should laugh, or Eridan's lack of caring should upset you. You decide Gamzee wants you to laugh, so you chuckle.

"So mother fucker, any reason in particular you called?"

You stop, and smile. The reason pops back in your head and you can't believe your almost forgot it. "Oh uhh yeah, mom wanted to know if you wanted to come over..."

**Be ****the ****guy ****who ****just ****received ****an ****invitation****.**

You smile wide at the phone, after licking your fingers off. "Oh mother fucking yes bro. I'll be over in half an hour or so."

"Uhh, sounds good Gamzee... I uh, love you..."

You smile more. "I love you to Tav. Now bye mother fucker, don't miss me too much."

Tavros chuckles. "I'll try Gamzee, bye..." He hangs up, and you begin to pack. Soon, you'd be at Tavros'.


	3. FlAsHbAcKs GaLoRe

You have your laptop and charger in your bag in a heart beat. You pack an extra jacket, your phone charger, and two bottles of Faygo. You also don't forget to shove your stash into the pocket of your bag and zip it tightly. You were running low, so you'd have to go mother fucking call up Dave later and see if he can hit you up with some more of this shit.

You grab your car keys on the way out. You only learned to drive a few months ago, and you remember the conversation between you and your grandfather via Pesterchum.

_clownyCatastrophee [CC] has started pestering terminallyCapricious [TC]_  
><em>CC: hEy gAmzEE! I wAs thInkIng AbOUt bUyIng yOU A nEw cAr mOthEr fUckEr!<em>  
><em>TC: YoOoO GrAmPs, ThAt wOuLd bE So mOtHeR FuCkInG ChIlL. :o)<em>  
><em>CC: I'm glAd yOU lIkE thE IdEA! sO AnythIng In pArtIcUlAr yOU wAnt?<em>  
><em>TC: HmMmMm...<em>  
><em>TC: HoNk!<em>  
><em>TC: A MoThEr fUcKiNg tRuCk gRaMpS. sOmEtHiNg wItH A ClOsInG BaCk.<em>  
><em>CC: :oO! I hAlf mOthEr fUckIng ExpEctEd A spOrts cAr Or sOmEthIng!<em>  
><em>CC: Any rEAsOn fOr A trUck? tO hIdE All thAt mOthEr fUckIng fAygO? ;o)<em>  
><em>TC: NaAaAh mOtHeR FuCkEr! HeH HeH.<em>  
><em>TC: BuT AnYwAy, I GoT A MoThEr fUcKiNg sEcReT. sO DoN'T TeLl dAd, He'd bE So uNmOtHeR FuCkInG ChIlL WiTh tHiS ShIt, ThAt hE'D LiKe, KiCk mE OuT.<em>  
><em>CC: :oO! whAt dId yOU dO?<em>  
><em>TC: WeLl... FuUuUcK MoThEr fUcKeR ThIs iS HaRd.<em>  
><em>TC: ...<em>  
><em>TC: I'M GaY.<em>  
><em>TC: AnD I'Ve gOt a bOyFrIeNd.<em>  
><em>CC: :oO! wOAh! dId nOt sEE thAt mOthEr fUckIng cOming!<em>  
><em>CC: ….<em>  
><em>CC: ...sO dO yOU nEEd A flAt bEd... fOr sEx?<em>  
><em>TC: NaAaAaAh mOtHeR FuCkEr.<em>  
><em>TC: ...ThOuGh, ThAt cOuLd cOmE In hAnDy... HoNk! :o)<em>  
><em>TC: BuT AnYwAy, My bOyFrIeNd, HiS NaMe iS TaVrOs, AnD He cAn't mOtHeR FuCkInG WaLk.<em>  
><em>TC: He's iN OnE Of tHoSe wHeElY DeViCe tHiNgS.<em>  
><em>TC: I NoRmAlLy wHeEl hIm tO ScHoOl aNd sHiT, bEeN DoInG It fOr yEaRs, BuT It wOuLd bE NiCe tO Be aBlE To dRiVe hIm pLaCeS. hE Is aLwAyS MoThEr fUcKiNg cOnCeRnEd tHaT I GeT TiReD Of wAlKiNg hIm pLaCeS... :O(<em>  
><em>CC: OOOOOOh! :o(<em>  
><em>CC: pOOr mOthEr fUckEr... hOw'd It hAppEn?<em>  
><em>TC: WeLl... It wAs kInDa mY MoThEr fUcKiNg fAuLt.<em>  
><em>TC: So rEmEmBeR HoW I WaS DaTiNg tHaT VrIsKa cHiCk? WeLl i dUmPeD HeR, bEcAuSe i sErIoUsLy dOn't mOtHeR FuCkInG LoVe hEr aNyMoRe.<em>  
><em>TC: WeLl aNyWaY, sHe sAw mE WiTh tAv... AnD ShE DiDn't lIkE It. NoT OnE MoThEr fUcKiNg bIt. So oNe dAy i lEfT TaV At sChOoL BeCaUsE ErIdAn aNd mE WeRe cUtTiNg eArLy, I KiSsEd hIm gOoDbYe, AnD VrIsKa fUcKiNg sAw, AnD TaVrOs wAs wAlKiNg dOwN ThE MoThEr fUcKiNg hAlL, aNd hE WaLkEd pAsT A FlIgHt oF StEpS ThAt lEaD DoWn tO AnOtHeR HaLl... AnD WeLl,<em>  
><em>TC: ShE MoThEr fUcKiNg pUsHeD HiM DoWn tHeM :o(<em>  
><em>CC: …<em>  
><em>CC: hOly shIt.<em>  
><em>TC: i KnOw :o(<em>  
><em>CC: wEll Is shE In jAIl Or sOmEthIng?<em>  
><em>TC: NoPe :o( TaV DiDn't sEe hEr. AnD ThE GiRl wHo hEaRd hIm yElL, tErEzI, iS BlInD, sO No oNe tAkEs hEr mOtHeR FuCkInG WoRd. ShE KnEw iT WaS VrIsKa sInCe sHe hEaRd hEr lAuGhInG...<em>

You wonder if this whole day is going to be flash backs. You decide to have another, remembering that day too clearly.

"_Tav you're too mother fucking cute." You smiled, moving a hand to your newly acquired lover's backside, causing his cheeks to flush._

"_G-Gamzee... I uh... Uhh..."_

_You chuckle, leaning in and locking lips with the cute mother fucker. He can't resist, as he melts into the kiss, his cheeks hot as his arms wound around your waist. He tasted so sweet, like chocolate in a way._

_**Be The Psycho Ex-Girlfriend**_

_You have never felt so betrayed in your life. You LOVED this guy, this asshole, this piece of shit scum, and here he was, tongue tying with that... Ugly mowhawked thing! Uuuuuuuugh! Why would he do that? You can't help but fume behind the corner you're watching them from. You've been watching them for a while, since you saw Gamzee and him walk by your classroom and you excused yourself to the bathroom. The pass seemed heavier than it should around your thin neck. _

_You could feel your black locks in your eyes, as you stared, your eyes a raging blue. You could feel the heat building inside of you. The irons, were now officially, in the fire._

"_Oooooooh Gam!" The annoying voice of that purple highlighted idiot rings in your ears, and you glance to a door leading out of the school, where Eridan was perched, hands on either side of the door frame, watching Gamzee._

"_Yo mother fucker, I'm gonna go now. You have fun in class, alright?" You look up as Gamzee kisses that thing again, and you nearly puke. He then leaves with the British douchebag. _

_The boy is hesitating, watching after him, then sighing. You watch your prey like the vicious spider you are. You're going to wrap him up in your web as you toy with his mind, and before you know it, he'll be running from Gamzee, terrified. _

_You smirked as he started walking away, looking at the pass in his hands, fiddling with it._

_You pull your hood up, and push some hair in your face. You didn't want him somehow recognizing you. You begin following him silently, ducking behind lockers the one time he turned to look behind him, blinking, then you got closer. He was edging along the wall, feet shuffling awkwardly, so pathetic. He was about to pass the stairs that lead to swim club, where you often snuck in and stole the clothes out of open lockers for kicks. _

_**Be the poor unsuspecting boy.**_

_You can still imagine the feeling of his hands on you, his lips against yours. You were so used to being trapped in your thoughts of fairies and findulspawn, that this was so new. You never felt so close to flying, your one true dream, then you did when his lips locked with yours and the lightheaded feeling took over. You honestly felt like you were floating, as he pressed his body to yours, squeezing you in all the right places. You were walking slow, not wanting to return to class. Your pants felt somewhat tight, and you were afraid to check and see why. Your thoughts were rather erotic, and they made you flustered all the more._

_You stop for a moment, a noise pulling you from your thoughts as you turn, but not fast enough as you feel hands on your side, pushing you. The pass falls from your hand as you yelp loudly and feel the gravity pull you down, and you keep falling, wondering why you haven't hit the ground yet. You glance up, as you plow face first into a step and your body flips over completely and you smack hard into the concrete stairs again as you continue to tumble down, feeling your limbs flip and flop like a flag in strong wind. You can feel a violent shudder run up your back, as suddenly, your legs feel invisible, like they weren't there. You finally smacked hard into the ground, and you glanced to your legs to make sure you didn't somehow lose them. They were there, and they looked fine, but your back hurt, and you felt bruised up. You look to the top of the stairs, but no one was there. No one was in sight. _

_**Be the blind witness.**_

_You hear the yelp, a loud high pitched one, and lots of thumping followed by laughing. A sickening, cold laugh that belonged to none other the thief of all justice itself, Vriska Serket. That bitch has gotten on your every nerve, doing the indecent and just plain cruel to everyone. If it wasn't for that one Chemistry class accident, you'd still have your sight. You remember that day, when you were forced to be her partner in class. She had mixed something up, something you didn't even know. You thought she was doing the project, then she excused herself to the bathroom and you waited, and it started bubbling, and you, being the idiot you are, decided to get a closer look at it, as it suddenly burst from the tube and into your eyes. _

_You remember being rushed to the hospital. You remember the frantic voices in your ear and the scorching pain. You remember waking up, but at the same time, not waking up. Everything was dark, but it was loud and clear. _

"_...Hello...?"_

"_God fucking dammit Terezi! It's about time you got up!" Karkat's rough voice fills your ear drums, and you freeze, but then smile with a usual cackle._

"_Funny trick Karkles, now seriously, take whatever is over my eyes, off."_

_There was silence._

"_Karkles, hurry up."_

_More silence._

"_DAMMIT KARKLES WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?"_

_You hear a sniffle, and you freeze. "...Are you crying?"_

"_There's nothing over your eyes Rezi..."_

"_Of course there is Karkles. If there wasn't, then I'd be able to see."_

"_..." You hear another loud sigh and the bed moved next to you, and you felt Karkat's arms around you, and you seriously began to feel like something was wrong._

"_...Karkles, why can't I see?"  
><em>  
><em>No answer.<em>

"_KARKLES!"_

"_You're fucking blind." You hear him blurt out, as his arms tighten around you, and you freeze. _

"_W-what?"_

"_That shit Vriska got in your eyes burned out your eye sockets Terezi. Your eyes fucking __**melted.**_ _There's no fixing that Rezi..."_

_You're not the type of person to cry, but when you heard the pain in Karkat's voice as he confessed the bitter truth to you, the tears swell in your eyes as your breath catches and you find yourself buried in his shirt, crying. He felt so warm, and he smelt so good you couldn't help but cling tighter._

_You stop in the hallway, wiping the tears from your eyes as you remember the scream. You begin walking in it's direction with your cane, looking around, glasses covering your eyes, which you were sure they were a mess. Karkat never would tell you what they looked like._

_You hear the loud breathing as you get closer, and you yell out. "Hello! Is anyone there?" _

_You stop as you hear an, "Uhhh" and you stop._

"_...Tavros?" You blink, and take a step forward, but there was nothing there. Stairs most likely... OH JEGUS STAIRS?_

"_Tavros are you ok?" You begin walking down them, at a decent speed._

"_I uhh... Can't... Feel my uh... Legs..."_

"_...Oh gog." You get down by him, making your way to the ground and putting a hand on what you were sure was his head. "I'm going to call an ambulance. Do you have your phone with you?"_

"_Uhh, it's uhh, in my jacket pocket..." You nod and feel down his chest until you find said pockets and pull out a phone. You had misplaced yours, again. You began dialing 911. Well, atleast you think it was 911. You luckily are correct and name the school and issue. The operator says they'll be there right away._

_**Be the high clown boyfriend with your British friend.**_

"_So mother fucker," you begin after moving the bong down from your face. "Where did you get this shit?"_

"_Got it from a friend. I ain't allow-w-w-wed to name though. It's called Purple Haze Pow-wer, and it's fuckin' amazin', ain't it?"_

"_It makes me want to run laps mother fucker. Like mother fucking seriously, I'm all up onto this shit like a gangsta to his gat."_

"_...You know Gam, sometimes your metaphors, don't make any sense, but alright." He cocked his head back, glancing to the window, the purple highlights in his hair reflecting the light from the window brightly. His eyes were a deep purple shade, bright. He seemed so much more colorful at the moment, and it made you wonder how buzzed you really are. You honestly felt like jumping around and over things. Mother fucking weird, but it was probably just the buzz. _

_You feel your phone vibrate in your pocket, so you set the bong on the dash and pull it out. It's Karkat._

"_Yooooo mother fucker! What's up?"_

"_GAMZEE GET YOUR ASS TO THE HOSPITAL."_

_You jump at the frantic loudness of his voice and glance to the phone. "...Why?"_

"_Because, something bad happened. Just get your ass here, fucking quick." He hangs up and you stare at the phone. _

"_...Eridan, we need to go to the mother fucking hospital."_

"_Oh I heard Kar through the fuckin' phone." He moved, putting the keys in the ignition and starting the car. "I w-wonder if he's a'ight..."_

"_I mother fucking hope so..." You can't help but frown, wondering what was wrong as you and Eridan pull into the hospital parking lot and you get out and walk in. Karkat is infront of you fast._

"_IT'S FUCKING BAD ASSHOLE." He looks rather panicked, eyes bugging out and shaking a bit. He always swung around a lot when he got over emotional, sometimes threw things and often beat the closest thing to him. Terezi was over in a seat not far behind him, looking up in our direction. Her red glasses shined in the fluorescent lights of the waiting room. _

"_...Well what the mother fuck happened?"_

"_...It's Tavros."_

_You can feel your heart sink, and your eyes widen. "...Is he ok?"_

"_..Well he'll live... but... Well... FUCK TEREZI YOU EXPLAIN I CAN'T DO THIS." He marched back to her, like he might cry. He's been your best friend forever, and you can tell the news he was trying to give you was going to hurt you a lot._

"_Well..." Terezi adjusted herself in her seat, trying to figure out how to word this. You sat across from her, desperate to hear what happened. "...I was in the hall, just walking, when I heard a loud yelp and some loud noises... And I walked towards where I heard them... And well... Tavros had fallen down a flight of stairs..."_

_Your stare at her wide eyed. "...Is anything broken?"_

"_...Yeah."_

"_Well broken bones mother fucking heal... Right?"_

"_...Not when it's your spine..." _

_You stop, staring at her. You shouldn't have left him there. You should've walked him back to class. You should've taken better care of him there and not gotten him all flustered and day dreamy. _

"_...And there's something else."_

_You look up to her, wondering what else could've happened with the greatest fear you've ever felt._

"_...Well... He didn't really fall... More like... He was pushed... By Vriska..."_

_**Be the best friend.**_

_You don't believe you've ever seen Gamzee raged over anything. You've seen him annoyed and mad a couple of times. You've seen him cry, you've seen him want to hit things and throw them, but this... Was the most scary expression you've ever seen on his face. You are quite sure he was now planning on strangling Vriska, or stabbing her, or beating her to death with his horns or some shit. _

"_Gamzee, you're staying here for now." You say as he stands._

"_I'm going to mother fucking kill her." _

"_Gamzee." You stand, and grab his arm, and he violently shakes it off, turning around with a glare._

"_WHAT THE MOTHER FUCK DO YOU WANT?"_

_You flinch at the yelling, then can feel the heat boiling inside of you. "I WANT YOU TO STAY THE FUCK HERE AND GO COMFORT TAVROS. YOU CAN KILL THE BITCH LATER, BUT HE'S RATHER UPSET AND HE'S BEEN ASKING FOR YOU! AND I DON'T WANT TO RUN THE FUCK AROUND KILLING EVERYONE WHO PISSES YOU OFF AND LANDING YOUR FUCKING ASS IN JAIL. I SWEAR GAMZEE, SOMETIMES YOU CAN BE SO STUPID."_

_Gamzee was staring at you wide eyed, and he sighed and looked down. "...You're right mother fucker... I don't know what I was thinking." He looked up. "Where the mother fuck is he?"_

_You sigh and turn around. "Follow me." You lead Gamzee up to the room, and stop outside of the door. "I'm going to head back to Terezi. I left her alone with Ampora, and I know that won't go ever fucking well at all."_

"_You guys really should give him some more mother fucking credit. He isn't that mother __fucking bad."_

"_He pisses me the fuck off Gamzee. Now get in there. Bye." You turn around, and walk off._

_**Be the freshly crippled boyfriend.**_

_You sit, propped up in a hospital bed. Everything that just happened runs through your head. Falling, being found, the sirens, being carried, everything. And especially being told you'd never walk again. You remember calling your mom and telling her you were here and what happened, and her saying she'd be over soon. You lived a while aways from the hospital, so she wasn't here yet. _

_You jump from your train of thought, as you hear the door knob of your hospital room door turn, and you glance over. The door opens, and you can't help but feel happy as he walks in the room. His expression makes you frown though, as he looked up at you. You can tell someone already broke the news to him, which you guess is a good thing. You never would've been able to tell him yourself. _

"_Uhh, hey Gamzee..."_

_He just walks over, looking you over with a frown. "How do you mother fucking feel?"_

"_A little banged up..." You mutter, looking at him, having a few bruises, but nothing too painful. _

_He just gave a little nod. "...Can I sit with you?" You just nod, and attempt to scoot over some, with a little trouble, which Gamzee sees and helps to the best of his ability, and he gets on the bed, sitting next to you and wraps his arms around you tightly. You can feel his face in your hair, and some wetness on your head. _

"_...Uhh Gamzee... Are you crying?"_

"_This is all my mother fucking fault Tav." You were so used to Gamzee being care free, happy. He made mistakes, but laughed over them. He fell down, but got right back up smiling. But this, this was just... Sad. The sound of his voice, the way it made you feel. Gamzee was blaming himself._

"_Gamzee, this is not your fault."_

"_Yes, it mother fucking is. Vriska fucking pushed you down a mother fucking flight of stairs because she's a jealous psycho bitch who is still in love with me. She did this because of me. This is my fault."_

You begin to drift from the day dream, now in your car and you sigh. You needed to stop having sad thoughts. You were going to go hang out with Tavros, and that was all that mattered. You put the key in the ignition and begin your trip.

**And Gamzee's grandfather just capitalizes vowels. I really couldn't think of anything good :T Sorry.**

**List of Faygo flavors:**  
><strong>Dr. Faygo<strong>  
><strong>Black Cherry<strong>  
><strong>Black Cherry and Raspberry<strong>  
><strong>Blue Raspberry<strong>  
><strong>Candy Apple (discontinued) (recontinued later)<strong>  
><strong>Centennial Soda (Blueberry cream)<strong>  
><strong>City Soda<strong>  
><strong>Champagne Kola<strong>  
><strong>Chocolate Creme Pie Soda<strong>  
><strong>Club Soda<strong>  
><strong>Coconut Cream Pie<strong>  
><strong>Cola<strong>  
><strong>Cotton Candy<strong>  
><strong>Cherry Cola<strong>  
><strong>Creme Soda<strong>  
><strong>Diet Chocolate Cream Pie<strong>  
><strong>Diet Frosh<strong>  
><strong>Diet Raspberry Creme<strong>  
><strong>Diet Red Pop<strong>  
><strong>Diet Orange<strong>  
><strong>Frosh<strong>  
><strong>Fruit Punch<strong>  
><strong>Ginger Ale<strong>  
><strong>Grape<strong>  
><strong>Jazzin' Blues Berry<strong>  
><strong>Key Lime Pie<strong>  
><strong>Kiwi Strawberry (non-carbonated)<strong>  
><strong>Mango Tango<strong>  
><strong>Moon Mist<strong>  
><strong>Moon Mist Green<strong>  
><strong>Moon Mist Red<strong>  
><strong>Moon Mist Blue<strong>  
><strong>Morning Mist<strong>  
><strong>Orange<strong>  
><strong>Orange Chug<strong>  
><strong>Original Black Raspberry<strong>  
><strong>Peach<strong>  
><strong>Pineapple<strong>  
><strong>Pineapple Orange<strong>  
><strong>Raspberry Blueberry<strong>  
><strong>Red Cherry<strong>  
><strong>Fine Rhubarb Pie (Winning Flavor of the 2007 "Design a Flavor" contest sponsored <strong>**in Adrian, Lenawee County, Michigan)**  
><strong>Red Pop<strong>  
><strong>Red Pop w Lemon**  
><strong>Rock and Rye<strong>  
><strong>Root Beer<strong>  
><strong>Sensation<strong>  
><strong>Sex on The Beach<strong>  
><strong>Strawberry<strong>  
><strong>Tonic Water<strong>  
><strong>Twist (lemon-lime, formerly UpTown)<strong>  
><strong>Vanilla Creme Soda<strong>


	4. My MaIn MoThEr FuCkEr

Turn. Pull. Grab. Open. Left. Right. Left. Right. Simple, very simple tasks, leading to a very happy moment. Everything seemed to fall into place when you just saw that cute little mother fucker's face.

Your bag slung over your shoulder, and a smile on your clown face, you turn the door knob and just walk in like you own the place. That was, well, pretty normal for you. Most places you walked in like you live there and people were just like, "Yo Gamzee" or "Hey Gamzee, got any weed?" or things along those lines. You were just naturally welcome most places.

"Gamzee sweetie, how are you?" You look up the face of a middle aged woman, with bright brown eyes and blonde hair. She wasn't tall, but she was decently thin. She wore a patterned blouse, with a white undershirt and dark jeans and socks.

"Hey momma." You smile at her, slouched over some, hand on your backpack strap that hung on one shoulder. "Where's Tav at?"

"Oh he's just in his room." She smiled and walked to the counter, where she had a roller out and some dough. "And let him know I'm making cookies."

"Oooh fuuuuuck momma, you know how to make a mother fucker not want to leave." You can't help but snicker, and she smiles. You walk off to Tav's room, smirking and you peek your head in the door, wanting to surprise him.

You look in, and you see Tav, up in his computer chair, typing away with his cute little fingers. He seemed mesmerized in whatever he was doing, typing away with that dreamy little look in his eyes he got when he had something nice on his think pan. It made you happy to watch him there, so you just slid in the room, not bothering closing the door all the way. That would make noise.

You walk in, gently putting your bag on the floor silently, then you creep up behind the cute mother fucker, who seemed completely clueless of you there. At least until your arms were around his waist and pulling him up out of his chair as he squealed and went wide eyed, arms going out to the side as his head whipped around as he stared at you for a moment.

…

_ Silence._

Then his beautiful laugh echoed through the room.

"G-Gamzee you scared me!" He chuckled as you moved him over to the bed, laying him down and crawling over him, locking lips. His hands came up, knotting in your hair lightly while one knotted in the back of your shirt. You really loved the certain bursts of confidence that Tav got, and you especially loved some of the things it would make him do.

You had to admit it. It was so much hotter when _he_ started the sloppy make outs. _So much hotter._

Back to reality. You could feel his hand running down your back, and if it continued where you thought it was going, you'd be a very happy mother fucker.

…

Now you proceed to be a happy mother fucker.

== **Be The Guy Who Just Made This Guy A Happy Mother Fucker.**

You hated how nervous you got when his lips were on yours. But at the same time, you felt fearless. You couldn't explain it, not at all. But in a way, you rather liked it.

And now, after one of those fearless moments, you were squeezing Gamzee's backside in what seemed like a care free motion. You couldn't help but blush as he let out a little noise, and then, that weird feeling hit you. It happened a lot when you and Gamzee were like this, chest to chest, lips to lips, hands on each other, feeling each other. It wasn't a bad feeling, not at all. You rather liked it, but it scared you at the same time, so you decided to pull back, panting. You blush at him dark, as he smirks at you, and before you know you're doing it, you give his butt another squeeze and he can't help but let out a little noise.

"Jeez mother fucker..." He mutters, blushing slightly as he snuggled his face on your chest.

"You're so sensitive..."

He can't help but chuckle and look up, his indigo eyes looking bright in the light from the Pupa Pan lamp next to your bed. "I know I am mother fucker." He smiled, relaxing his head on your chest and looking up at you.

You stop for a moment and remember the conversation you were in the middle of when Gamzee picked you up. "...Uhhh Gamzee... I kinda left Nepeta on the conversation... Can you just tell her I'll get back to her later?"

== **Be The Guy Who Interrupted That Conversation.**

You nod and get up. "Sure mother fucker." You walk over to the computer and sit down and read the last few posts.

_AC: :33 *ac purrounces on tavfurros and paws at his furrairy wings!*_

_AT: *cHUCKLES, aND UHH, pETS   
>AC: :33 (tavfurros? are you alright?)<em>

_AC: :33 (tavfurros? h33llooooo? *paws at your furrace!* come on tavfurros!)_

_AT: (Yo nEp! SoRrY, kInDa aLl uP AnD WaLkEd iN AnD StOlE TaV FrOm tHe mOtHeR FuCkInG CoMpUtEr aNd aLl. I HoPe yOu dOn't aLl uP AnD MiNd iF I StEaL HiM FoR A BiT.)_

_AC: (oooh gamz33! hi there! i don't mind! just gonna go put more of you guys on my shipping wall! h33h33!)_

_AT: (MoThEr fUcKiNg tHaNkS NeP! bYe! HoNk :o) )_

_adiosToreador [AT] has ceased pestering arsenicCatnip [AC]_

You smile lazily, as you turn and go back over to Tav and crawl up next to him. You wound an arm around his broad shoulders, which were well defined for his small size. He had always been more muscularly built than you. You were always tall and lanky, since you were little, but he was average height and wide shouldered. But in a way, he still managed to be so small, so cute and fragile-like. You loved that in a way. It made you want to take care of him all the more.

You could feel his face press against your neck, and you tilted your head back. Your neck and your butt, these were your sensitive spots, and Tav knew it. He was nuzzling, and it felt pretty good. It made you shudder lightly, and close your eyes. Before you knew it, he was sucking on the skin there, and it always made you wonder that if he wasn't crippled, would he be the dominant one in this relationship? You mean, not that you guys have done that yet.

But you want to.

_A lot._

But Tav is afraid, and he wants to wait, so you're going at his speed. This was both of yours relationship, so he had a say to. Even if you didn't really like what his say was, you loved him enough to wait. You mean, it's not like he can say no forever. While you are lost in thought, Tavros seems to be enjoying himself while playing at the skin of your neck. He was just experimenting, trying to see what you liked. You noticed him glancing up at you every few seconds to judge your reaction to certain things, and when he gently bit at the skin of your throat, he didn't even have to look up to hear the surprised yelp you let out.

"O-oh did I hurt you?" He pulled back, eyes all cute and wide, looking scared.

"Nah mother fucker, just didn't expect that." You can't help but smirk and look at him. "That was mother fucking kinky... I like it."

His face lit up like a fourth of July as he glanced down. "I uhh... Just... Uh... Well it just popped in my head... And I uhh... Tried..."

You just nod, petting him. When Tav has a burst of confidence, and does something you like, you have to let him know he did good, or he'll never do it again, _ever._

"You did a mother fucking good job..." You smirk, running your fingers through his mowhawk as he looks down blushing.

"I uh... Thanks G-Gamzee..." You can't help but smile, loving how cute he was when he stuttered over your name. It made you want to _rip his clothes off and take him on the floor._ Wait what? No, you didn't think that. Ok, yes you did, the tiny voice in the back of your head did. You like to ignore thoughts like that, even though they are nothing but the truth. Those kind of thoughts got you in trouble.

_Well they at least got the little friend in your pants in trouble, but then you normally would get in trouble right after so stop ranting this over in your head. Are you stupid? Are you seriously having these thoughts? Stop it!_

You glanced down at Tavros, who was quiet, eyes closed, head on your shoulder, with a slight blush when you felt your phone vibrate in your back pocket and you jumped.

"HOLY SHIT WHA- Oh my phone."

Tavros stared at you now, eyes wide. "...Gamzee, I thought you were dying or something."

"Nah, my mother fucking phone all up and got it's buzz on." You blink, moving your hand into your pocket and taking it out.

_From: Karkat_

_ HEY GAMZEE. I HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM. HOW DO YOU MAKE A BLINDE PSYCHO CHICK LOVE YOU? BECAUSE I CAN'T FIND ANY FUCKING BOOKS ON IT AT THE LIBRARY. WHICH FUCKING SUCKS. BECAUSE IT JUST DOES. AND I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO MAKE IT WORK. AND I HAVE YET TO SEE A MOVIE THAT HELPS MY SITUATION WHATSOFUCKINGEVER. SO, IF YOU COULD BE A PAL, AND JUST DIRECT ME IN THE RIGHT FUCKING DIRECTION, I MIGHT ACTUALLY BE RELATIVELY KINDA GREATFUL._

_ To: Karkat_

_ WeLl mY MoThEr fUcKiNg bEsT FrIeNd, I HaVe tHe eAsIeR SoLuTiOn iN ThE WoRlD, aNd tHiS Is gOiNg tO SoUnD WeIrD CoMiNg fRoM Me._

_ From: Karkat_

_ JUST FUCKING TELL ME WHAT IT IS._

_ To: Karkat_

_ MaN ThE MoThEr fUcK Up aNd jUsT TeLl hEr hOw yOu fEeL. dOn't pLaY StUpId mInD GaMeS, sO DaNcE ArOuNd tHe tOpIc, JuSt wAlK Up aNd bE LiKe, "i'm iN LoVe wItH YoU."_

_ From: Karkat_

_ ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY? SHE'LL SLAP ME. OR LICK ME. OR BOTH. _

You can't escape the thought that maybe, Karkat is kinky enough to like those things. Wow you need to keep your mind out of the gutter. You make it official, your mind is filing divorce with the gutter. Now.

_To: Karkat_

_ My gOsH MoThEr fUcKeR. tErEzI DiGs cOfIdEnCe, GuYs wHo aRe sO FuLl oF ThEmSeLvEs tHeY ExPeCt pEoPlE To jUsT LiKe tHeM. bE An aSsHoLe aNd yOu'lL GeT LaId iS HoW DaVe oNcE PuT It._

_ From: Karkat_

_ ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME. THAT'S IT, I QUIT. SUCK MY BULDGE. BYE GAMZEE. _


	5. LIFE IS FUCKING PEACHY AIN'T IT?

You kept running, ducking around that corner as fast as your legs could take you. You were in an alley now, as your back slid down the cold bricks behind you, rain pouring down, your make up having washed off a little while ago. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest as you sunk your head back into your hood, your breath hitching as you heard noises. More like yelling, gun shots. Bad noises, the noises you should be running from.

But it's rather hard to run when you can't feel your legs. Or any part of you for that matter. Then suddenly, all you could hear were footsteps, loud footsteps as the rain started to cease, now more of a mist than anything.

Then everything was quiet. You had no idea where all the noise went, but you knew it was humid, and you were sweaty, and you sat up, the back of your pants soaked, wetter than the rest of you from the drenching rain. You yank off your hood, looking around and you glance down to the street, where there's a shadow, and that shadow scares you. Anonymous shadows are _bad._ Very bad.

You are about to turn and make a run for it, but suddenly you hear a scream. Any other scream and that would've sent you running faster, but not this scream. You stopped dead in your tracks.

That was Tavros, wasn't it? You can't deny it. You just heard Tavros scream, and you turn right back around to run to him, when you stop, and there's someone with a gun to your forehead. The cold metal shocked your, as your eyes went wide.

"Don't worry. He died quickly."

"...You mother fucking killed him..." You state blankly, as your heart just shattered.

"Yeah, pretty much. And now for you." The blonde man smirked, his shades concealing his eyes well. You don't have time to say anything else, Tav is dead, and you're about to die. You go over what his last moments would have been like. It makes you sick, this man makes you sick.

But as your heard a loud gun shot, you know your life is over to.

And your eyes finally shoot open as you jerk up in bed, panting.

_A nightmare? A MOTHER FUCKING NIGHTMARE? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? _You can't help but growl at how real it was, how terrible it was. How absolutely fucking ins-

"Gamzee? Why are you awake?" You can't help but stop your train of thought, as the cute, small, half asleep voice fills your ears and you glance to him. Tav was curled up by your side, eyes only half opened, mostly asleep, hugging a small Tinkerbull plushie close to him.

"..It was just a bad dream Tav. That's all... I'm going to run to the bathroom, then I'll be back, okay?"

The cutie nodded, hugging his plush and closing his eyes yet again. You get up, walking out of the room and down a little hall, into the bathroom. You turn on the light and look into the mirror. Your hair was a mess, all about, but that was rather normal. But your eyes were bright, such a deep color, but lit up with fear. That dream had really freaked you out, and you had no idea where it even came from for that matter. It was just random really. Too random. You didn't like it. Not one bit.

You sigh, splashing some water in your face. Sleeping alone had fucked up your make up, so you decided to just wash it off completely. Once that was done, you yanked off your shirt, way too sweaty for it at the moment, along with your pants. You kept your boxers on, for Tav's sake, but if you were home, they'd be gone in an instant. You just left your clothes there, planning to retrieve them when morning came along. Before you knew it, you were back in the bed, hugging Tav and drifting off.

And what seemed like minutes later, his alarm was blaring and you reached back with a groan, hitting it. It proceeded to fall to the floor, unplugging, silencing the nasal sounding ring.

"Gamzee..." Tavros muttered, opening his eyes. "...Um...Gamzee what just happened?"

"Five more minutes." You mutter, rolling over onto your stomach.

Tav giggles, sitting up and glancing around. "Gamzee, we kinda have to get up. It's already 6... And we have school."

"Fuck education." You mutter, flailing your arm slightly. But then you begin to hear a buzzing and you yawn, sitting up and glancing to your phone across the room. "...I need magic powers to make it come to me." You sigh, standing and walking over.

_clownyCatasrophee [CC] started pestering terminallyCapricious [TC]_

_CC: hEy gAmzEE. I pUt sOmE mOnEy In yOUr AccOUnt thIs mOrnIng._

_TC: yO tHaNkS gRaMpS._

_CC: nO prOblEm! :oD_

_TC: nOw I gOtTa Go GrAmPs!  
>CC: byE! Tell tAv I sAId hI!<em>

_terminallyCapricious [TC] has ceased pestering clownyCatasrophee [CC]_

You glance back at Tavros, who was moving into his wheelchair off the bed and he glanced at his alarm clock. "Gamzee, you're going to end up breaking it.."

You chuckle. "I'm sorry." And you begin to walk over to him, happy.

**Be the best friend**

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you wish everyone would just shut the fuck up. Now. Your mom was just SO FUCKING LOUD. It really pissed you off. Her and her bitching. _Karkat you're a failure this. Karkat you should go run off and live with your dad that. _She just never shut up. And she never put that bottle down. I swear, her and that Lalonde's girls mother were always drinking together. _Always._

"Karkat, don't (hiccup) t-turn away from me!"

"MOM, IT'S FUCKING 6 AM AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRUNK!" You growl, but you don't know why you sound surprised. When is your mom not drunk? And when is her boyfriend she brings over to fuck with at excessive noise levels, not drunk?

"I don't really give a fuuuuuck what time it is Karkat. All I know is that you haven't picked up the beer cans in here like I asked you to!"

"It's your fucking man whore of a boyfriend's fucking trash. He can get his lazy, shit-stained ass of the fucking couch and pick them up his goddamn self!"

"Kaaaaaarkat, you do not talk to your m-mother that way!" She glared a bit, swaying just the slightest. Jesus, how drunk was she? You guess you've seen her worse. Wait. You take that back. You _know_ you've seen her worse.

You suck in a hard breath, bag slung over your shoulder, stomach growling. You ignore it, there's no way you're eating here. You just walk out, slamming the door with a little too much force, the small, old frame of it shuddering before becoming still and you suck in a breath of cool morning air.

You begin your walk, sighing as you did. You weren't sure where you were walking, because it was the opposite direction of the school, but you were too mad to care. Who gives a fuck if you go to school or not? Certainly not your mother. Possibly your father, but you didn't really see much of him. Sometimes you wish you did. Key word in that sentence? _Sometimes._

Before you know it, your outside his house. OF ALL PEOPLE, _HIS_ HOUSE? You mentally facepalm, but sigh. He would probably be willing to give you a ride to school if you just kinda... Walked in? You guess and sigh, walking up to the door and knocking.

After a moment, the door swung open. Bucked teeth grin and thick rimmed glasses in place like always.

"Karkat! Hi!"

"Hi John." You grumble, glancing away. Why the fuck was he so happy anyway? He was always fucking happy. It's not natural.

"Karkat, I know you have a foot fetish and all, considering how much time you spend looking at people's feet instead of making eye contact, but seriously, don't do it to me. I'm not a homosexual."

"Fuck you." You glare up at him. _I am not a homosexual._ If he fucking says it again you're going to shove your bulge so far down his throat it will puncture his bowel and he'll be a mess of his own shit on the floor, while being a fucking _homosexual._

He laughs at you, stepping aside. "Any reason you're at my front door?"

"I was just wondering the same fucking thing.

"Well what do you want?"

You were really debating now, chewing at the inside of your mouth. Was it really worth asking for a ride? You mean, you could just...walk? Ew.. Okay, maybe a ride would be okay, but with Egbert of all people. You finally sigh.

"Can I have a ride to school?"

He blinks at you. "I guess so. But if you start coming onto me Karkat, I'm going to push you out the window."

"Jesus fuck John. WHY DOES EVERYTHING I SAY TO YOU AUTOMATICALLY GET VIEWED BY YOU AS ME WANTING YOUR DICK?"

"Because you want my dick."

"Fuck this shit. I'm walking." You turn to walk away, growling.

"Oh come on Karkat! We all know you're gay!" John jumped off the steps and followed you down the side walk. "It's not like you hide it well."

You turn to glare at him, resisting the urge to connect your knuckles with his jaw line. You would just get in trouble, and lose your ride.

"John, I don't see why you don't seem to understand, that you fucking PISS ME THE FUCK OFF. I have no romantic thoughts for you, WHATSO-FUCKING-EVER."

John rolls his eyes. "Sure you don't. Now come inside, I'm almost ready."

"...FINE." You sigh, not wanting to get yelled at for being late again and you follow the fuckass back into the house.

**Am I cool Yet?**

"Terezi seriously, next time you fucking call me to tell me you lost your phone, I might just virtually slap you."

"SERIOUSLY DAVE. I CAN'T FIND MY PHONE!"

"..Terezi, you just _called _ me."

"...OH HEY DAVE I FOUND IT. IT WAS GLUED TO MY EAR THE WHOLE TIME!"

You can't help but facepalm in the coolest way possible. You're sitting in your car, Terezi on speaker phone, sipping at a bottle of apple juice.

"Dave you're my ride today, right?"

"TZ, why the fuck are you _yelling_? I mean really, isn't your aunt home?"

"Nah! She had to head to the Sheriff's office early this morning! Hehehehe, so I'm home alone!"

_That cackle. _You think to yourself. It's just... Bone chilling. But yet, you couldn't help but like it. No matter how creepy it was.

"So am I picking you up today?"

"No Dave. I'm _driving_ myself to school. Best idea ever right? Give the blind girl some keys and hope no innocent bystanders die!"

"Alright, have fun."

"DAVE! Don't be rude! Come pick up the blind girl!"

"Fine." You sigh, turning down onto Terezi's street. It wasn't a very crowded street, and had a couple houses. They all looked exactly the same, except, well Terezi's had a giant freaking oak tree in the back yard with a big tree house in it. How the fuck does a blind girl even get into a tree house?

**8luh 8luh huge 8itch**

"Equius, stop gripping the steering wheel like that! You're going to break it!"

"You don't have any right to command me." The guy mutters, as he turned into a small drive way. You really wished your mother would just buy you your own car, so you wouldn't have to carpool with the overly kinky neighbor sweaty boy and his kitty friend.

You both sat there, looking at the house as a girl ran out, in a hat with cat ears, short hair bouncing and her fake tail swishing as she ran, wearing a long sleeve shirt that clung to her skin, and winter vest over top that was a bright blue while the undershirt was olive green, and a blue jean skirt with black tights and flats. She was rather tiny, and overly petite, a feature you were rather glad you didn't have. No one was afraid of the little ones. _No one._

"Equius!" She purred as she jumped in the passenger seat, since you were always stuck in the back.

"Nepeta," was his only greeting to her as he pulled out of the drive way, overly cautious, looking each way for a moment or two before beginning down the small street and onto the main road.

"Whaaaaaaaat? I don't get a greeting Nepeta? Fine! I see how it is."

"Oh I'm sowry Whiskers!" She bounced and turned around in her seat to look at you.

"Nepeta! Seat belt."

"So we can be safe!" She giggled, turning around and putting on her seat belt. "I'm surprised Equius, normally you always just tell me off the bat to put on my seat belt! Is something on your mind?" She leaned closer to him, trying to get in his face.

"Nepeta, I am operating a four wheeled vehicle at the moment, and your distractions are making it hard to follow the rule of land."

"..You mean the speed limits."

"Same thing."

Nepeta giggled, sitting back in her seat and yanking her bag onto her lap, and opening it and yanking out some shoujo manga and opening, seeming to disappear into it completely, lost in every word.

"Nepeta, what did you eat for breakfast?" Equius inquired, probably going to lecture her for her poor diet.

"Hrrrmmm! Well," she said said, looking up and sticking a book mark in her page. "Mawmaw made purrfect pancakes, and I coated them in chocolate syrup and whipped cream and spurrinkles! Oh, and some orange juice."

"...Nepeta."

"Yes Equius?"

"Do you ever consume anything other than sugar? Like something that contains some form of nutrients."

"...Um. Well... The orange juice was fresh squeezed, so it has oranges in it. Does that count?"

"...I guess." Equius sighed. "But really Nepeta, you should begin consuming things that will help you in the future, not rot your teeth."

"But they're sooooo good and I just... Screw it, I want cavities. All the cavities, because them my teeth can fall out, no one will yell at me to brush my teeth, and I can still eat all the sugar I want if I pop it in the blender first."

"...I'm sorry, but Equius, is this girl on _drugs_?" You finally intervene, not believing your ears.

"Her diet consists of sugar and shipping."

"OOOOOH WE SHOULD SO TALK ABOUT SHIPPING NOW. SO I TOTALLY THINK KARKITTY IS-"

"Nepeta, you forgot, no one cares."

"..." You can almost feel the air in the car sour as Nepeta's happy face turns to a pout and she brings her knees to her chest, hugging them. "Fine."

"Vriska, apologize."

"What?"

"I told you to apologize or you will be walking to school." Equius' voice was serious, and you hated when he did this.

"Fuck that. Just pull over, I'll happily walk the rest of the way as long as she knows no one gives a fuck about her shipping."

A sad sigh erupted from the seat infront of you.

"Out." He said quietly, as he pulled over, and you smirked, grabbed your stuff and stepped out as he drove off.

"Hmph. Asshole."


	6. WOW D4V3 RUD3!

**AN: So I was thinking about changing the title of this fic. I mean, this title is just something I threw in there because I didn't know what else to call it really. But I'd have to think about a new title.. Eh, I'll come up with something, but if you guys have any ideas, please just let me know! Thanks!**

So, walking to school _sucked_.

You can't help but shake your head as you walk up the long path to the steps, littered with kids that you wanted to kick in the face.

Your bag felt at least 400 times heavier on your back as you walked, sighing. Pushing the front door open, and walking into the cluttered halls, you wanted to shrink away, into your own world. School was so boring, life in general was boring. You wanted to bury yourself in your fantasy stories and games. Tales of strong independent women, falling for the strong, golden-hearted rebels. Oh how you could read and read, nose buried in a book for hours.

You knew you were at the school early, since most people were outside and the staff were all over the place, running around to get everything together for the day. Most students weren't allowed inside until the bell rung, but no one had yelled at you thus far, and you knew exactly where you could go and no one would even raise their voice at you.

You passed down the hall, walking along side lockers, trying to stay quiet. You pulled your hood up for good measure, and peeked around a corner. Clear. You smirk and duck down that corner and kneel down, crawling past a wall covered in windows leading to several teacher offices. You weren't sure why the teachers needed so many damn offices, didn't they have desks in their room for that? Whatever. You sigh and continue crawling until the windows end and you stand and brush yourself off.

Just another hall and a half. You dart down this hall, ducking behind a set of lockers and glancing around. No one. You peek around the corner and stop. Just a janitor, making their way to the other end of the hall with their broom. You sigh in relief, when you feel a hand on your shoulder.

"Heading for my room, Miss Serket?" You turn to look at the woman holding your shoulder, with her smirk in place, dark hair pinned back neatly and curling over his shoulders in sleek, elegant twists. Blue eyes that could bore into your soul and devour every last secret fixed on your face.

You sigh in relief. "Jesus, I thought you were going to fucking attack me.

She rolled her eyes. "Just because I'm your sister doesn't mean you can say fuck infront of me."

"Fuck you."

She chuckled and sighed, walking down the hall. "Come on, I need someone to help me put chairs down anyway."

"Fiiiiiiiine." You sigh, following her.

**== Be unpleasantly surprised.**

When you told your mind that a ride with John wouldn't be too bad because you could ignore him the whole time, you were convinced it would be no problem to ignore him.

_But not his siblings to._

The Egbert family was plenty big child wise. Four of these little derpy fuckers. _Four._ One was adopted from some Australian country or some shit like that. A set of twins, and one other kid who was a year younger. The adopted one was the eldest, followed by the twins. You were stuck between Miss Spits-A-Lot and Mr. Chip-Chip-Tally-HO!

"Somebody pleas shoot me." You mutter under your breath and Jade stops, looking at you.

"Karkat! What'd you say? Speak up!" You sigh, and wipe the bit of spit off your cheek. This girl needs some serious braces. Her over-gap, bucky teeth were worse than John's, and he looked like a beaver already.

"Well for fucking one, I AM GETTING A SPIT BATH, and two, I AM FUCK-"

"Karkat! I am giving you a ride, so if you would please take your head out of your ass and stop yelling at my sister, I'd appreciate it."

"Has your family ever heard of braces? Hell," you turn, pointing your finger at Jake. "He's fucking adopted and yet he's got the bucked teeth and goofy expression all you idiots have!"

Jake couldn't help but blink at you and frown. "Well then, you've certainly got your trousers in a hitch."

"JESUS FUCK, YOU'RE IN AMERICA, TALK LIKE IT. YOU'RE LIKE ONE OF THOSE WHITE GUYS WHO TALKS LIKE HE'S BLACK."

"..Karkat that is completely different. Jake just has an accent."

"Yeah, totally, because all white American males call their damn pants trousers and say "tip tip tally ho". Abso-fucking-lutely."

"John, may I inquire that we never drive your friend anywhere ever again?"

John sighed in the front seat. "Somebody just push him out the window."

"Jane, you've been awfully quiet!" Jade peeked up to the passenger seat, where her elder sister had her face buried in a cook book.

"Jaaaaaaaane! Come on! Say something!" Jade smiled her bucktoohed grin and poked her sister who repeatedly refused to be pulled out of her studying.

Today was going to be long as fuck.

**== H3H3H3H3**

"Dave, we should stop somewhere!" You smirk, as you pop another Skittle in your mouth. Dave picks you up a bag at least once a week now. He knew you'd shut up while you stuffed your face if he put the bag infront of you. His car was probably littered with skittles since normally when you dropped them, you couldn't really find them without hitting your head or something.

"Rezi, school."

"Who cares about school? Hehehe."

"...True that. Let's go to Chuck-E Cheese and make fun of the mouse and put Vaseline in the playing tubes."

"Gasp! Dave, you're brilliant!" You cackle, smiling wide.

You can almost feel him smirk as he made a suddenly different turn.

"This is going to be great!" You brush a strand of hair out of your eyes, even though it wasn't like it was impairing your vision or anything, just feeling it there got on your nerves.

"You and you're hair."

"If you make another no soul joke I swear."

"A fucking blind ginger. The girls I pick do reek mayhem with.."

"The _girl _ you mean."

"I meant the bitch."

"Wow, rude!" You pout, giving him a fake glare.

"Terezi, eat your Skittles, bi-"

"If you say 'bitches love Skittles', I might handcuff you to a pole and steal your car.."

"Fuck you, fine. Gingers love Skittles."

"I give up on life."

**AN: Lol, just a little screwing around with ginger Terezi. It's okay Terezi, I feel your pain, I don't have a soul either. Haha, but yeah, I'm going to my dad's all weekend and wouldn't be able to finish this chapter, so I wanted to post at least something. So here you go, a little filler chapter, showing more relationships!**


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